MAGIC UNDERWEAR

I am just an ordinary American. I wear jeans and boat shoes, a suit now and then, and a tuxedo when I go to black tie weddings. I do not wear a funny hat, or a towel, or any other accoutrements as part of my religion. I am not averse to a "Miraculous Medal" a crucifix, or a Star of David worn as a sign of one's belief so long as it is not the size of a manhole cover. As an American whose immigrant ancestors assimilated into the American culture rather than just bringing their culture here and then demanding that they can vote in Swahili, Spanish, or whatever, if am "turned off" by excessive demands on the parts of some religions to wear articles of clothing that are "over the top." I can get the yarmulka, barely, but the whole bearded blacksuited Diamond District thing is just un-American. Turbans, and other headdresses, Burkas, and the like, also don't represent e-pluribus unum.

Now we have Mormons (only one left but he is in the lead) running to be the Republican presidential candidate. The photo above is of "temple garments" called magic underwear by some, that is required attire for some members of their church. Rather than going into the reasons for this, just let me say that I would not want to be a member of a religion that required me to wear some article of clothing unless it was for a parade, or I were a priest in that religion and it was a uniform of my trade. I am not the leading authority on LDS or Mormon things, but as a doctor, I have actually had patients who disrobed and were wearing this underwear. I have had colleagues and employees who were Mormons. As a result of my lifetime experience and after watching Mitt Romney, I conclude that the purpose of these special garments must be "to hide the stick."

If you are a Jew, you are not supposed to eat pork or shellfish, mix meat with milk, etc. Catholics were not supposed to eat meat on Friday during my lifetime. Mormons can't have alcohol or caffeine. They drink O-Doul's beer and some nasty-ass grape juice wine that has no alcohol. I have not met any Mormons who are "fun guys" and I think their dietary limitations must play a role. Jews drink alcohol and lots of Diet Cola. They can be lively and fun and let their hair down. I have NEVER met a Mormon who made you feel like he was the kind of guy you would want to have a beer with (obvious reasons previously explained). But that expression has come up more than once in this election cycle. Clinton and Bush were guys you could have a beer with. Romney...not so much. I can barely watch this man campaign, wearing a pair of jeans that look like they were starched and pleated, no less look forward to 4 years of him as President. So, like every Mormon I have ever met, he seems to worship the Almighty Dollar, and can balance a budget and is financially successful. I still do not look forward to seeing him on TV for the next 5 years and knowing that under that suit lurks a crisp white ensemble of magic underwear, and the invisible "stick."