Osama bin Rudolph

Last year I was awakened in the middle of the night by this God-awful noise on my roof. I have barrel tile, the orange terracotta ones. Notwithstanding the Ho Ho Ho nonsense, the clacking noise was deafening. Fortunately these tiles are self cleaning so Reindeer poop did not prove to be the problem I expected it would be.

Thanks to the incessant public service ethic of our politicians, I believe I will have a better night's sleep this coming December 24th, unless I get a little too much egg nog. The absence of their leader should go a long way toward preventing the cacaphony incident of last year. As we all know from listening to government reports, it does not make any difference how many terrorists, drug dealers, or may I add, reindeer you have, when you kill their leader, they scatter like roaches and you will have "won." For example, once we have dispatched Osama bin Laden, the world will once again be at peace. It sure as Hell worked with the war on drugs at the border. We have worked our way through more decks of cards of famous terrorists than the average blackjack table in Vegas and yet... there are more. Number two becomes number one, and so on into the night. Yet, I believe my government and their optimism because of my personal mantra "My government, right or wrong." In fact I have a quilt with that famous quote from JFK on it, hanging over my bed..."Ask not what your country can do for you, but rather what you can do for your country." And that is this year's Christmas message..."The government is always more important than the individual." Thanks, Karl.

In this season, what with Santa flying the missing reindeer formation over my house, my only prayer is that will can eventually capture or kill everybody around the world who disagrees with us because as Santa knows, some of them have been just plain naughty. Oh wait...my friends have given me feedback on my blog that my humor is sometimes a bit... mean spirited. So may I close on a warm fuzzy note... "You think turkey and dressing is good for a family Christmas:? You haven't lived 'til you've tasted Reindeer tartar." Thanks, Sarah. You betcha.