FILM MAKER's TRIBUTE in SCONSET

Last night at the "Sconset" Casino, the Nantucket Film Festival held a tribute to Paul Haggis and Ben Queen, two deserving screen writers. The highlight of the ceremony was MC Brian Williams, veteran newscaster and all around (in a good way) whack-job. If you ever have a chance to see him on TV in some role other than newscaster, do not miss it.

They gave us all we wanted to drink and to eat and the ceremony was short and sweet. Both honorees were pleasant although Mr. Haggis was a bit self-effacing and critical of his own writing which in light of back to back Oscars seems unusual.

Chris Matthews of MSNBC and Senator Chris Dodd were in attendance and we saw them up close and personal at a private event afterwards. Though not a fan of his politics, Mr. Dodd is a gracious and gentlemanly individual who was outgoing and interested in meeting people. Chris Matthews was Chris Matthews.

ANOTHER FORD you don't see anymore

About as much crumple-zone front crash protection as a VW bus.

NANTUCKET LOVES CLASSIC CARS

1955 FORD Fairlane, which by coincidence is 55 years old. That only happens once in a while. This was a popular color for both Ford and Chevy in that year. I saw this car in the nantucket Yacht Club parking lot.

CRIMSON in CLOVER

Harvard has just graduated its umpteenth college class and those who are not headed off to Wall Street investment banking houses or Dot-coms in Silicon valley will be going into other service to mankind. I wish them well. It was not easy getting into that school, or doing well there. These are the best of the best that hopefully will create products and services that make everyone's life better. Congratulations to these hard working and intelligent people who should by dint of their multicultural mix be inspirational to all. Unfortunately, the graduation and the success of black yellow brown and white students was not televised because the airwaves were filled with Casey Anthony and Anthony Weiner. I guess it is the year of the ANTHONY.

EXPERTS like DIFFERENT STUFF

We are in the midst of a film festival and about 2 weeks ago there was a wine festival here on this island. I was reminded of a truism during our wine experience... that wine is as good or bad as the person drinking it thinks it is. Sure, there are experts who drink wine professionally every day who can make choices and grant "points" to wine and I defer to them on everything but what I choose to drink. The same is true of film.

Every years we have to suffer through the Golden Globes, People's Choice, and Academy Awards, all self-agrandizing events that celebrate how wonderful entertainers are. We enjoy watching their product (films) but I personally have to take anti-nausea medication before watching one of these award shows. "I would like to thank everyone I ever met including...."

There are creative people here at this festival who have done some amazing and extremely entertaining things. Their movies are a treat for me. The fact that it did nor did not garner the Academy Award (Oscar) or some other accolade means little or nothing to me. The Oscar is awarded based upon the opinions of people in the film industry. Their taste like the oenologist's taste in wine and why it got 98 points, is that of a professional. Movie pros are inured to many of the things that ordinary movie goers like myself find entertaining, and then there's the matter of politics. When Director/write/producer XYZ is lauded as Oscar winning I find that to be WONDERFUL within his craft and among his peers. To the movie goer such as myself, it is not an indicator that I will enjoy the film, which is the reason I paid money to see it. Same with wine...give me a chardonnay from the grocery store in the $15 class, and I am happy. Serve me a Chateau Lafitte for $1000 and you are wasting your money.

The WOODEN FIRE ESCAPE

Most fire codes accept the scientific data that indicates that wood burns in a fire. Depending on a wooden staircase in the event of a conflagration does not seem to be the best idea in the Fireman's Almanac. I wrote about these things before. Many of the congresspersons who are responsible for those burdens we all are subject too, are excused from those same regulations, like OSHA rules about fire extinguishers, sprinkler systems, handicapped rest rooms, and the like. Open electric cords running hither and yon across floors, non-GFI outlets in bathrooms and kitchens, and other risky violations are usually noticed right away by building inspectors. Maybe my belief is incorrect and the wooden fire escape is just fine. It just seems counterintuitive.

CASEY ANTHONY TRIAL

We are fascinated by the trial of this woman who is accused or murdering her 3 year old daughter. We don't know if she did it but most of us hate her anyway for lots of good reasons. Little Caylee went missing and mommy dearest did not tell anyone for over a month. Mother of the year award right around the corner for this chick.

This accused murderer is not bad looking, in fact if I were a young man in a bar, and she were there, I would not miss the chance to buy her a drink. Of course the evening might end with me in a dumpster with duct tape wrapped around my head but that's the point isn't it? You never can tell.

The Kitty is magnetically attracted to HLN channel's coverage gavel to gavel of this trial. The glacially slow legal wranglings put me to sleep. I have served as an expert witness in trial many times but I would come in, take the oath, answer some questions and give my opinions for an hour or so and then I would leave. I was not even allowed to be in the courtroom before my testimony because they invoked "the Rule" which basically means they did not want my opinions altered by my hearing the opinions of prior witnesses. This trial has been in progress for about a month. I would have to have a caffeine intravenous drip going at full speed to even stay awake for this puppy. I don't know how the Kitty does it.

OX GORING 101

WRITING A BLOG or giving commentary of any kind is done at great risk...risk of losing friends, making enemies, and not being invited back to wherever-the-Hell you were when you saw an OX in need of being gored. Some of you out there may not be familiar with this expression which essentially means that something near and dear to you has been offended or judged to be crap by another, justly or unjustly, it does not matter.

There is a difference, I have learned, between telling the truth and being hurtful or mean spirited. When you are talking about entertainers, public figures, and comedians, the law, and common usage gives you a lot more latitude to be funny at the expense of the "victim." They sure as Hell follow that principle in their work. Witness the Jay Leno monologs and the recent flurry of Weiner and Governator jokes. So when I write about the Nantucket Film Festival and a certain event, previously mentioned in another post, where story telling is not the long suit of folks who are otherwise quite talented in their chosen professions, I do it in the true Hollywood spirit. One must fully appreciate that if they make a film and it is reviewed by film critics in an uncomplimentary light and that is accepted as part of the package deal, standing on stage at a festival is license to those of us who fancy ourselves critics, to review and report what we see. And sometimes the OX gets gored.

SAINT AGNES

According to WIKIPEDIA...St. Agnes Cathedral is a Roman Catholic cathedral in Rockville Centre, New York, on Long Island. It is the seat of the Diocese of Rockville Centre. It was founded in 1887.

When I was younger, a famous TV personality was Ray Hetherton, the Merry Mailman (same entertainment model as Captain Kangaroo back then or what would today be The Wiggles). He had a daughter named Joey who was an equally famous actress/hottie, though a bit controversial. Saint Agnes high school was also the alma mater of many other famous personalities. Last night I learned that Anne Meara (Irish ancestry) was a graduate. I believe that Bill O'reilly is as well. My best friend in college, Pete Langan, went there.

REAL NANTUCKET STICKERS

STICKER SHOCK, AGAIN

THIS IS JUST a wild guess, but I think the owner of this minivan must like HORSES. Nantucket is the home of STICKERS or all sorts. Most classically of the Beach permit variety affixed annually along the bumper. The more years you have on your bumper the cooler you are. One of the principle reasons is that more stickers mean more years of age for your vehicle. And in New England "patina" and "vintage-historical" is everything. One never shows up anywhere in clothing that is not faded, has a little fray around the collar, or has all its buttons. This is the home of the elbow patch and the Nantucket red pants which look like they were ordinary red before you washed them 400 times. Real worn out jeans, not razor cut ones made by chinese children at the factory.

I saw the same thing at BIKE WEEK in Daytona over my many years of attending. Leather vests with "IRON HORSE 1983-4-5-6-7-8-etc" were signs that you wee not some Lawyer or Doctor who just bought a Harley last year and trailered it to Daytona. These signs of veteran status can be found in many geographical areas. In these parts, it's all about the stickers on your car. This one falls a little flat because the stickers could have all been put on in one day. No dates or locations are evident. I will post another picture here of the RIGHT way to put stickers on your car. This minivan is festooned in a way similar to having a sweatshirt with 6" high letters on it saying HILFIGER. Not very Nantucket.

I guess all the CLEVER NAMES were taken

Too bad the truck was not a little longer or they might have been able to fit AJAX on there too. When you think of uninspired names for things, or the ROADRUNNER cartoon, you think of ACE or ACME right away. Perhaps it is because of the extreme ordinariness of their chosen name that it is so memorable. I don't think I have ever seen this combination before on a business. Combining two generic names like this multiplies the chances of uniqueness. It would be like naming a new Ben and Jerry's ice cream Plain White.

SPRING HAS SPRUNG

BEAUTY can be seen everywhere on the island. The flowers are in nearly full bloom and the multicolored Hydrangeas are popping out. It is the rare yard that is not filled with flowering plants. They take pride in their flowers up here and it is a sight to behold, as good as any leaf-peeping trip to the mountains in fall.

STORYTELLING, sort of

A man is sent to prison. The first day there he wanders around trying to get the lay of the land, just observing. He sees one prisoner walk up to another and say "43" and heard the other prisoner laugh. A while later he sees another prisoner say "37" to his friend, and they both get a chuckle out of it. He walks up to the men and asks "What's with the numbers?" One experienced inmate replies "We have all been in here so long that we know the same jokes so rather than tell the whole joke, we just say the number of the joke and then laugh." The new prisoner decides to try it. He walks over to a stranger and says "43." No response. Then he says "37" and all he gets is a blank stare. He asks the man why he did not laugh and the veteran inmate replies "SOME PEOPLE just can't tell a joke."

Last night at Sconset casino, as part of the Nantucket Film Festival, they had a full-house of folks who ate and drank and sat through some of the lamest storytelling I have ever heard. I am grateful for the opportunity to attend the casino, hang with the folks, chow down on way to many chocolate covered pretzels, and feel the vibe of the crowd. People were in a good mood and there was a lot of laughter. I think I have a fairly sophisticated sense of humor and am a tolerable raconteur. And I also think I am not being harsh when I say that RAINMAN could have told better stories. They were long, tedious, not funny, and mostly unnecessarily sexually oriented tales about the storyteller's inability to get laid in various stages in life. The only bright lights in the event were Anne Meara and her husband Jerry Stiller, long term residents of the island who were legitimately funny and played off their 81 years of age. Brian Williams, one of the funniest newsmen ever (David Gregory is another) was here for his 16th consecutive year and brought his FIRST CLASS wit and delivery. His subject matter was germane to a film festival unlike what tried to pass for storytelling from the others last night. To paraphrase our President, the Special Olympics of comedy is alive and well in Sconset.

This event is not to be confused with the comedy ROUNDTABLE which will be held on Sunday afternoon featuring world class comedians. If I am disappointed at the Roundtable, where the best of the best like Jerry Seinfeld will be on stage, then shame on me. Describing last night, calling the story tellers "comedic-challenged" is being kind.

SIGNS CAN BE CONFUSING

After careful checking, I learned that this was not a massage parlor but rather a tourist petit merde shop that was proud of the BRUINS and their victory. Sometimes you have to be careful so as not to suggest a meaning other than the one you intended.

FUNNYMEN at the FESTIVAL

G Q...for ME?

Someone left a GQ MAGAZINE in my mailbox yesterday, and being the fashionista that I am I had to read it. Did you know that if you spend $1,700 on a PRADA jumpsuit that you will not look like a male porn star or a Guido? I looked very carefully at the article and aside from the missing Adidas stripes and logo, it looked like the satin shiny stretchy same old fabric that you can get at any mall for $50 unless it is on sale then it's $29. Who is this guy Prada and why are people willing to pay $1000 for a small nylon handbag that is made from the same material as the free totes you get at a convention? Is that little gold triangle REAL GOLD? It's no wonder the New York cops put Canal Street out of business. Though it may not be as easy to create a Hermes Birkin Bag knockoff, Louis Vuiton vinyl and Prada nylon were a cinch. A $1000 bag for $20? They are, or were, everywhere. We can't stop illegal aliens from crossing the Mexican border, but we've got a real good system for stopping the importation of fake-Prada. Way to go, Janet Napolitano.

NANTUCKET FILM FESTIVAL

Pound for pound, this relatively small festival has attracted some interesting and significant talent. The festival is centered on Screenwriting and the tributes are to oscar winning behind the scenes folks rather than actors. Some quirky events like Comedy Roundtable includes some of the best comics around. Colin Quinn, Ben Stiller, Seth Myers, and Jerry Seinfeld for example, on the same stage up close and personal to the audience.

A Storytelling Event includes other major names in the entertainment and media industries. We saw a movie last night called BUCK. It was an 80 minute documentary about the guy who was the inspiration for Robert Redford's "The Horse Whisperer." Sounds like a yawner unless you are into horses but not so. The movie was more metaphorical than that. It was about how to get what you want from a horse, other people, or life, without beating it out of them and causing fear and "an equal and opposite reaction."

Nantucket is a small place and the people I see in town, or at the Wharf Rats are some of the same folks I see at the festival. They are members of the Historical Association, the Film Festival, the Wine Festival, The Comedy Festival and lots of other artsy-fartsy things. Not that I am a star-gazer, but it is not uncommon to be at a cocktail party and be introduced to an understated and outgoing person who happens to be the CEO of Google, or Adobe, or some other VISIONARY that has moved and shaken the way we live. I am having a good time so far, and other than some torrential rain last night and having to wade to our car in 6" deep water, I could not ask for more. Many of the more interesting venues in town are utilized for the various events. The Westmoor Club has hosted two. The Whaling Museum rooftop was amazing for a joint event between the Film and Historical groups. Next year, the Dreamland Theater will be open and will be the central focal point.

ART and THEATER in NANTUCKET

At last night's reception at the Whaling Museum, actor John Shea (Lex Luthor on TV was his most well known role) and his charming wife, artist Melissa MacLeod, were in attendance. Mr. Shea is the producer of plays at the Theater Workshop of Nantucket. We saw one of his plays the other night. It was very good. She is beautiful and charming, the mother of 2 (like my daughter) and in talking with her I found out that we went to the same High School in New York. Small world. Mr. Shea is very active in Nantucket in the film festival and theater and summers here. They live in 'Sconset. They seem like genuine and committed people. I have been around film festivals for years and have met countless movie stars and celebrities. I think I have a good sense of who is elitist and standoffish. Mr. Shea is neither of these things, and with Nantucket's reinvention of itself and the emphasis on an art and theater renaissance the community could not have a better spokesperson.

SEAL of APPROVAL

Many of the gray haired male residents of Nantucket will tell you about days gone by when they would kill harbor seals and get a $5 bounty which was quite a lot of money back in the day. They ate their weight in fish every day and this interfered with the fishing industry. These animals are protected now. You can find them out at Great Point lying around and begging for food. They weigh several hundred pounds and have sharp teeth so don't fall for their BS. They can catch their own fish.

It is a long trek or a good JEEP trip out to their place. You have to let most of the air out of you tires and go slowly. Don't go too late in the day as if you get stuck and have to spend the night, the mosquitoes will suck your circulatory system drier than a Twilight movie.

FLORIDA, e pluribus unum, y'all

This is pretty accurate. We have almost as many rednecks as we have alligators, and we got lots of alligators. In fact, last week one of the little buggers crawled onto the campus of our country club and had to be captured by a redneck. The club is surrounded by salt water but that did not seem to get in the mostly fresh water gator's way.

BEST BARGAIN BURGER on the ISLAND

There is a little shack down at SURFSIDE beach that makes a good burger and it is half the cost of one in a restaurant. If you can keep your eye on your food so that the seagulls don't swoop down and grab it, you will have an enjoyable lunch. The view is terrific and it is seldom crowded.

MEDICAL FASHION

I don't know where or when it started but draping a stethoscope (the thing you use to listen to hearts and lungs) over your neck is the sign you are a doctor, or a nurse, or something in medicine. Along with the Scrub Suit, and an ID badge, it is the UNIFORM of the medical Biz. These attractive young people in the photo could be phlebotomists (blood drawing techs) or neurosurgeons only they don't have enough gray hair, or hold any one of about 100 medical jobs. They walk all over the hospital core area. Some go to restaurants dressed this way. When you go back to the hospital after walking all over in dog doo and rubbing elbows with everyone else in street clothes, you are supposed to change your scrub suit so as to NOT bring infectious organisms into the Hospital, where they already have their fair share. They seldom change into a fresh scrub suit.

If you want to mess with folks who have a stethoscope over their neck and are wearing a scrub suit, walk up to them and say "Doctor, I have this pain in my.... " IF they run away, they are real doctors. Anyone else will give you advice. Don't take it.

ACK of THE DAY

Another state represented. You don;t have to have Massachusetts plates to be ACKed. Does this Pennsylvania Land Rover owner sell insurance?

QUARTERBOARDS

These wooden signs are everywhere in Nantucket. Home and businesses are all named something or other. The tradition comes from the naming of 19th century whaling and other kinds of ships. While I do not own a house in Nantucket where I can put my own quarterboard, I do have a house on Siesta Key that has been unnamed for 30 years. We keep threatening to name it but it never seems to happen. Commonly, house names are a combination of the husband and wife's names. Ours could be Rockitty for Rocky+Kitty, a portmanteau for sure. My father in law's house was named Samal. he was by no means a cool guy but he had his house named and here we are 30 years later still living in an unnamed house. Clearly he was cooler than we are.

I was thinking that I would commission a sign carver up here to make me a quarterboard with our home's name on it. IF we could only decide on a name. Some names just don't work. For example, if we tried to use Siesta (Siesta Key) plus ACK (for Nantucket) our two islands combined, we would have Siestack which sounds like the house belongs to some Polish guy. Ignatz Siestack. It's a real enigma.

Anyhow, We will come up with a name, have a sign made and bring it home to attach somewhere on our house. It will be a short name because these sign makers charge $50 a letter for a standard sized hand carved sign. Too bad we are not Canadian like my neighbors. We could name the house "EH?" $150 out the door, or on the wall, whatever.

SUNKEN SHIP

It is no wonder that I continue to vote in elections. I am not as observant as I thought I was. Though I am usually quick to notice connections and the six degrees of Kevin Bacon I did NOT make the connection between the Red Rowboat in Nantucket Harbor named the Sunken Ship, and the tourist store a hundred yards away by the same name. They also feature red in their advertising. I guess on an island where they would keel-haul you for suggesting that a McDonald's on Main Street would offer folks reasonable prices on food, you would think that something as transparent as ADVERTISING on the stern of a boat anchored for years in the harbor would be against some kind of law. For a state where they held the Boston Tea Party, they are very fond of regulations and taxes here.

I wish to thank my daughter in law for her keen observation and to apologize for my blindness in this instance. I promise to do better from now on. I may get my own rowboat in a Safety Yellow color and name it (on the stern facing passersby) the ISLANDORACLE.

NEXT ICE AGE?

Once again that phony Al Gore's views on Global warming have come into question. Latest scientific research into Sun Spots indicates that on the contrary we may be in for a mini ICE AGE due to sunspot activity severely declining. Of course this is GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE which is their new BUZZ word. Clearly the SUN is acting badly because of all the SUVs and Hibachi Grills there. There ought to be a law. SEE BELOW:

An immediate question is whether this slowdown presages a second Maunder Minimum, a 70-year period with virtually no sunspots [which occurred] during 1645-1715.

Early records of sunspots indicate that the Sun went through a period of inactivity in the late 17th century. Very few sunspots were seen on the Sun from about 1645 to 1715. Although the observations were not as extensive as in later years, the Sun was in fact well observed during this time and this lack of sunspots is well documented. This period of solar inactivity also corresponds to a climatic period called the "Little Ice Age" when rivers that are normally ice-free froze and snow fields remained year-round at lower altitudes. There is evidence that the Sun has had similar periods of inactivity in the more distant past.

During the Maunder Minimum and for periods either side of it, many European rivers which are ice-free today – including the Thames – routinely froze over, allowing ice skating and even for armies to march across them in some cases.

"This is highly unusual and unexpected," says Dr Frank Hill of the NSO. "But the fact that three completely different views of the Sun point in the same direction is a powerful indicator that the sunspot cycle may be going into hibernation."

MEATBALLS de KITTY

Speaking of MEATBALLS. My last two posts were about Anthony "relative values"Weiner and his antithesis, Billy Graham. I don't care what people say about the constriction and rigidity of Evangelism, and I share their concerns some of the time, but our nation would be better off in most ways if people like Reverend Graham lead us, than the likes of "wanna see my Weiner?" Seriously... the congressman's good friends, the Clintons, you want your kids to grow up to be like them? Sure, the rich and powerful part, but at what price?

SENT BY A FRIEND

Billy Graham's Prayer For Our Nation

Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to
seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who
call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our
spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We have exploited the poor
and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.
We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists
and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and
called it building self esteem. We have abused power and called it
politics. We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition.
We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it
freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our
forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, Oh God, and know our
hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and Set us free. Amen!'

May I Approach the BENCH?

LOCAL COLOR

Pass it almost every day in Nantucket Harbor. It stands out like a gift from a seagull on a black limousine. I do not know to whom it belongs and I never see it under way. It must be used sometimes because the interior is almost dry even when it rains cats and dogs. I used to have a boat like this one when I was younger and we vacationed in Sag Harbor in the 50s. It reminds me of that old Alan Jackson Country song "When Daddy Let me Drive" and the sense of being a grown up that came with getting into your own conveyance and leaving the shore under your own power. This was long before I drove a car or even had my own bicycle. And I remember it to this day. It did not have a motor at all except for my young arms but the feeling was the same as below....

It was painted red
It's stripe was white
It was 18 feet
From the bow to the stern light
2nd hand from a dealer in Atlanta
I rode up with daddy
When he went there to get her
Put on a shine
Put on a motor
Built out of love
And made for water
Ran it for years
Till the transom got rotten
A piece of my childhood that'll never be forgotten
It was, just an old plywood boat
75 johnson with electric choke
A young boy, two hands on the wheel
I can't replace the way it made me feel
And I would turn it shore line, and, make it wide
He'd say, ya can't beat the way an old wood boat rides
Just a little lake across the Alabama line
But I was king of the ocean, when daddy let me drive

LOST YOUR WAY?

Surely we are all on a road of some kind headed somewhere. Occasionally, or in my case, everyday, we lose our way and have to check the map. Go back a few miles take a left instead of a right, spend a little more time in that last town or hit the road before you get "Stuck in Old Lodi Again." A bunch of decisions, made on the spot, but most of them are do-overs and you can adjust your course accordingly. FOr every bad move I made I made at least one good one. So in this photo, even though they guy has no idea where he is, it looks like a nice sunny day in the desert, and he has a convertible, and it's red, and I just can't explain why he is wearing a tie, but it's not my photo.

So rather than dwell on what you did wrong, or the turn you should have made, ask yourself if the place you are at right now has come intrinsic charm or benefits that you just are not seeing because you are too focussed on the outcome you decided was the only one you would be happy with. Personally, I am rather fond of lemonade when life hands me lemons, and though you really cant make chicken salad out of Chicken S*it, you can grow vegetables using it as fertilizer which will become a nice salad if you are patient.

LANDSCAPE PHOTO I TOOK TODAY

COOKIE COOKIE

WITH SURFSIDE BEACH IN THE BACKGROUND, I hold up a small bag of Nantucket Cookies by Pepperidge Farm. I bought them at the little restaurant at Surfside Beach... they home of the $5 hamburger that is as good and large as the $15 one at LoLa. One of those insider tips you learn over time in Nantucket.

I don't know why this cookie is called the Nantucket. I suppose Pepperidge Farm felt the name was more romantic than say Secaucus or Hoboken. When I return to Florida perhaps I can invent the Sarasota Cookie. It could be a white flavorless Saltine without SALT (hypertension, you know). It could be on our supermarket shelves next to our other local foods, tacos and enchiladas, by fall.

JA-TUCKET

Nothing comes as more of a surprise here on dis Island than the overwhelming presence of Jamaicans, not including the one in my own home. Since people take their traditions with them when they live in another place...for example New Englanders eat at Irish Pubs when in Florida, these JAH-MAY-CANS seek out their favorite products in stores. Nothing says West Indies like hot sauce...and not just any hot sauce, they love Scotch Bonnet Peppers, that would grow hair on a bowling ball. Pancho Villa himself would say "Ay, carramba, I don't gotta cho you no steenkin burned lips." This stuff is HOT HOT HOT. And you can buy it anywhere in this island. Right next to the white mashed potatoes and other exotic New England fare that reminds me of the buffet line at an Amish Restaurant.

WHALE HO (apologies to hookers everywhere)

The RED Burgee (flag) is that of the Lahaina Yacht Club in Maui, Hawaii. The BLUE one is Nantucket. Apparently, whales can be found half a world apart. The Nantucket whale seems a bit more serious while the Hawaii one looks more like the logo on Vineyard Vines clothing.

ACK two

ACK of the DAY

Nantucketers are very proud of their Airport Code...ACK. Just like Sarasota is SRQ and we have a magazine by that name, Everything that can have the letters A C K in it in Nantucket, does. License plates are a biggie. You are the "S*it" if your plate has ACK in it. ACKNICE, ACKFOG, ACKMAN, whatever. It is ev-re-where.

To celebrate that tradition, I have instituted a tradition on IslandOracle that I call ACK of the DAY. In my travels, I will photograph ACKs when I see them and then choose one to put online. I hope I don't find GynACKologist or ACKquarium.

LARRY the LOBSTER and FRIENDS

Across the street from one of the more prestigious clubs on Nantucket is Sayle's Seafood. We could walk there from our place in about 15 minutes. They sell all sorts of seafood but the most memorable item is their three tanks of LOBSTERS. I't not like gas where a gallon costs 9 cents in Saudi Arabia. You would think that since they catch the buggers right here they would be....cheaper...than in Sarasota where they have to be air freighted. Au contraire. A pound of lobster meat is $40 (SHELL REMOVED) which explains why when you order Lobster Mac and Cheese it is as if they took regular Mac and Cheese and dipped the lobster in it momentarily so as to give it a hint of flavor.

I don't know how much a whole lobster costs especially these 3 pound ones. I forgot to ask. Anyway, if I were to buy one I would go by car. Walking one of these home from Sayle's would be an ordeal. First of all, they walk backwards on those little feet, secondly....the leash keeps slipping over their heads. Third, this is Massachusetts and they would probably need a license like a dog, and when we got home, not being Vietnamese, I probably could not bring myself to cook and eat my pet.

Here an ACK, there an ACK, everywhere an ACK ACK

EAT THE RICH

The bumper sticker on this rusted out bumper is a humorous play on words. As you know, the fish...Carp..after being caught is gutted and then prepared to eat. Historic houses and buildings can be gutted interiorly to renovate them for more modern living. A major player in the real estate business on Nantucket is named KARP. So the owner of this truck is expressing his sentiment that Mr. Karp should be gutted rather than buildings.

No I am not here to defend Mr. Karp. He could be an awful human being or he could be Mother Teresa's brother. I don't know. I do know that he took his own money and bought lots of real property on the Island. Some of it was falling down and dilapidated. He renovated these properties and restored them so that you could live inside without coughing and wheezing from mold and mildew. For that I am grateful. To the owner of this truck I say..."Maybe you should have bought these buildings and kept them in their original condition the way you like them." Don't have the money to do this? Then let's tax the rich and redistribute the wealth and everybody gets a free building and they can live with the rats and roaches and black mold if that is their desire. I would bet that the first thing someone who got a free building from the government would do is bitch and moan that it needs renovating.

HYDRANGEAS are almost in BLOOM

This is a photo from about this same time last year. Due to all the cold and rainy weather we had this year in the North East, the Hydrangeas are just starting to flower. There are all kinds of flowers here on the island but the ubiquitous hydrangea, that everyone plants in their yard like Ixoras in Florida, are a many week long treat. The Rhododendrons are out now and the Azaleas have come and gone. But it is the Hydrangeas that light up the island with their multicolor blooms.

HOME, HOME on the RANGE

HOME away from HOME, Nantucket. This lighthouse is a short walk from our place and depending on the season, can be a nice contemplative isolated place to spend the day. If there is a boat race, the place turns into Grand Central Station at rush hour because the boats race right past this point. When I mean boat race, I am not talking about the Suncoast Offshore Grand Prix with the thousand horsepower engines roaring, but nice quiet sailboat races with the only sounds coming from the wind hitting the sails and the crew members shouting to one another. Sometimes it's little rainbow boats with sails of all colors, hence the name rainbow boat.

The weather is getting good again after two days of seasonal affective disorder, dreary, rainy, gloomy, and cold (55 degree). Not that we are going to have South Beach day, it will be about 65 and overcast at times, but I will be outdoors most of the day walking from place to place. My wife, the Kitty, asked me what I was going to do today, and I told her "Nothing." She said "I thought you did that yesterday." I replied..."I wasn't done."

DOCTOR DOCTOR

In my study of Hunter S. Thompson, famous GONZO journalist, I learned that he often referred to himself as Doctor Thompson. I wondered what his "doctorate" was in. It turns out that he received a doctorate (not a tough one to get) from The Universal Life Church in Modesto California, founded by the Rev. Kirby Hensley. As luck would have it, I am a doctor in the same church.. I obtained my doctorate the usual way, online by paying for it.

For those of you who do not know, the Universal Life Church ordains lots of people who request it. In this church there is not a hierarchy of priests (although you can be named a priest among other things) and the congregation. Almost everyone is at least a minister. And if you register with your state you can perform, for example, weddings which are legally binding. You can even charge for your services and in these tough economic times, it could be a good gig. Much better than cold calling people to sell them encyclopedias. I have been a minister and more recently a doctor in this church for decades though I have never married or baptized anyone. The day ain't over yet, as Curley said.

So if anyone out there wants me to officiate at their wedding, Bar mitzvah (Reform only) or baptism, just call or write. With my medical doctor diploma and my ministerial diploma, just call me Doctor Doctor.

ANOTHER INSIDER GEM

I was invited to lunch at this establishment by my friend, Frank, who has been coming to Nantucket for decades. Though I pride myself at having waaaay more insider knowledge and experience that the average summer resident (there are three categories of people here...tourists, summer residents, and natives) I never heard of The Angler's Club.

Typical of Nantucket, it is in an idyllic spot on the second floor of the Ship's Chandlery building over looking the harbor, with a large deck. The interior reminds me of a cross between an old fishing camp and the Grille Room at a country club with plaques and flags and ships models everywhere. The whole interior is bright-varnished wood. Also typical of Nantucket or any club, the food is fine but not memorable. One of these days I am going to go to my club, your club, or some out of the way place where King Abdullah belongs and I get invited by chance, and I am going to have a knock-your-socks- off meal. So far it has not happened at The Field Club, The New York Athletic Club, The Metropolitan Club, Cosmo Club, The Harvard Faculty Club, the Key Biscayne Yacht Club, Coral Reef Yacht Club, Sarasota Yack Club, Ritz Beach Club, or a host of other places where I will not be able to go back because I was not gushing about the cuisine. It is just Par for the Course. the Nature of the Beast, or Not what clubs are about. So that's it. Lower my expectations.

Anyhow, I was grateful for the invitation and the chance to have a Sam Adams with my friend on the deck of this venerable institution for Members Only. That morning I spent a couple of hours on deck at the Wharf Rat Club listening to and telling stories. Back to back Nantucket historical institutions....what a treat.

SURVIVE BY LOWERING THE BAR

If Bubba "The Big Dog" Clinton were to father a child out of wedlock, like Arnold the Governator did, the bar would be set so low that nobody would say anything except "Do you think the kid will get Secret Service protection?" We already know he is willing to lie through his teeth, even under oath, has Restless Penis Syndrome, and no moral compass.

The recent flurry of sex-pose's involving Congressman Weiner, Schwartzenegger, and the rest is mostly because they set themselves so high up on a pedestal of moral or intellectual superiority that they set the bar too high for themselves. Weiner for example, thinks he is the Albert Einstein of politics. The smartest guy in the room. So when his sexting his tweety bird backfired and everyone on the planet knew he was lying and demonstrated in print that he was too dumb to not be doing these kinds of things, the comparison between the LEGEND (in his own mind) and REALITY (naked to the world) was extreme. That's what saved Charlie Rangel. No one expected much from him. Compound that with the denials and attacks on the innocent and you have a perfect storm of "this boomerang is commin' back atcha."

When you are in the habit of dominating everyone in your world with your moral superiority or any kind of certitude, you are setting yourself up for opening up a big can of Schadenfreude whup-ass. You can be 100% SURE that people just can't wait to see you get your come-uppance. Weiner is the latest example. There is a lot of discussion on TV about piling on and "the poor pitiful guy is only human." Personally I love watching him "hoist on his own pitard". It's like Mussolini hinging upside down from a rope at the end of his rule. He was naked too.